Save My Marriage


Saving Marriages
With Unconditional Love

Guest article by Amy Waterman
The StepHero Newsletter

Saving Marriages With Unconditional Love

In a group encounter recently, a powerful realization came to me. I was asked to do two things. First, to think of a relationship I had during the last 7 days with something that, in my mind, was an ideal relationship. Once I thought of it, I was asked to identify what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

Several men in the group thought of their families, coworkers, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their TV remote, recliner, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these people, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

When it became my turn to identify my perfect relationship, I thought of my pet dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is a marvelous ego-boost for me when I make it home at night and I am welcomed in such an enthusiastic manner. I don’t know of any other person or thing that greets me so vivaciously night after night. It doesn’t matter how long I have been away from the house or how good or rotten my day has been. To me this is unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the kind of love that comes without strings attached. It is the love you have for your partner when the Hollywood-style romance is gone. Once that happens you make the transition to “real” love. Real love is love you have for your partner in spite of your awareness of their imperfections. You know your partner has shortcomings. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner goofs up sometimes, but that’s fine. You love them still. This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you — you acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So… now what? Should we all go out and buy dogs so we can learn about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. We all complicate our lives with trials and tribulations, and are tempted to let our personal and marital issues rule our lives.

But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.

Ponder unconditional love for a bit and how you can apply this idea to your relationship.

Action Step

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